Who’s Your ‘Friends with Benefits’…


She had been through five relationships already and was on her sixth when she had a life changing encounter at Jacob’s well in Samaria. We are not told what her name was but we know she was from Samaria. Her story is recorded in John 4:7-30

Jesus and His disciples were travelling to Galilee from Judea. When they came to the city of Samaria they were exhausted and thirsty so they stopped by Jacob’s well for a rest and a drink, and this particular Samaritan woman came to the well.

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?” 13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

The Samaritan woman was thirsty, and that was why she had come to the well to draw water to quench her thirst, but beyond that, she was experiencing another type of thirst, one that she had tried in vain to quench, and so when she heard Jesus talk of water that would quench her thirst completely, she immediately desired it and asked Jesus to give her this water. Jesus too knew of this thirst and so He told her:

“Go, call your husband and come back.” “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet.

Jesus brought up the fact that the woman had had multiple relationships (five men and a current live-in, for a total of six relationships). Obviously, she was finding no permanent satisfaction in these relationships, so she had to keep going back to find a new love, each time hoping that this time would be the last. In bringing up her unquenchable thirst” for different relationships, Jesus revealed to her that she would never be truly satisfied until she began “drinking” from the water He would give her.

There are those who for years have drunk the waters of lust and casual sexual relationships, and have never been truly satisfied. They always wanted more and continually thirst for more. “Friends with benefits’ is the norm this days. People come together to try to satisfy their mutual desires by engaging in casual sex with no strings attached. And just like the Samaritan woman  they draw no satisfaction, so they move to the next relationship to seek for the elusive satisfaction. Today there is even a rule that a ‘friend with benefits’ should not last beyond three months. This is to prevent the partners from becoming emotionally attached. Most people will testify that there comes a point where they desire much more than just sex. So the idea is to break it off before that happens and look for another ‘friends with benefits’.

The Samaritan woman had had six such encounters, when she met Jesus. He offered this woman living water. He said that if she drank it she would not be thirsty any more; in other words, she would be satisfied, and not desire one relationship after another. Here is hope for us! This is the solution to enjoying freedom from pornography, adultery, or any sexual sin. If you discover how to receive this “living water,” and how to drink it, you will not be thirsty anymore; instead, you’ll be free from sinful cravings and slavery to the flesh.

By admitting that gratifying the flesh does not permanently satisfy you, by acknowledging that you have to “drink” of it again and again, you are ready to discover what will satisfy permanently! Consider what the Bible says in Isaiah 55:1-3

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Give ear and come to me; hear me that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David

We are admonished to stop spending our time, energy and money on what will never satisfy us, and to drink the water that brings delight, joy and life to our souls. Do you see what we have been missing while involved in pornography and sexual impurity?

“Death and destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of man.” (Proverbs 27:20)

Switch water sources! Pornography, adultery, casual sex, etc. will never satisfy us, ever. The pornography industry makes its billions on customer dissatisfaction, and if we stay trapped there we’ll always have a continual lust for more. It’s like salt water, giving more thirst than satisfaction.

“Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.” Ephesians 4:19

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns [Note: cisterns are designed for water storage] that cannot hold water.” Jeremiah 2:13

Notice that God describes Himself as the “Spring of living water.” He alone is the Source of our life, refreshment, joy and nourishment. He is ever fresh and new, like a spring, and to “drink” of God is to receive life and be satisfied! Turning to pornography or sinful relationships is like trying to get water from a jar with holes in it.

Now notice something about the Samaritan woman at the well with Jesus,

Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?” They came out of the town and made their way toward him.

John 4:28-30

Scripture does not specifically say why the woman left her water jar with Jesus. Obviously, she still needed to drink physical water, even after her encounter with Christ. Jesus offered her “living water” which would quench the thirst of her soul once and for all. As we learn how to drink the living water that only Jesus can give, we can leave our old “water jar” behind.

She left her water pot because she had now found a well of ‘living water.’ She had come to the well for literal water and that was what her mind was set on. But now that she had obtained salvation, she did not think any more about her water pot. It is always this way. Once our souls truly perceive Christ, once we know Him and receive Him as our Savoir from sin, we turn away from what we used to think about. Her mind was now fixed on Christ, and she had no thought of well, water, or water pot.” Granted, even after we come to Christ and learn to drink of His living water, there can be a time when we must learn how to leave the other “water behind” and it is certainly not always an instantaneous exchange of water, like the woman at the well did. I’m not saying that it always has to happen in this manner, but what I’m saying is that as we drink of Christ’s living water we are able to leave behind the sinful water.

My heart’s desire now is to see you drinking the living water; the water that satisfies forever. Jesus is our friends, and yes His friendship with us brings far greater benefits, but Jesus is much more than friend with benefits. He’s not interested in a casual relationship, He wants us to have a deep relationship with Him. Consider Jesus as your ultimate FRIEND and he will quench all your desires. Drink from His word daily, pray without ceasing, meditate upon His word, feed on it, let it take over your mind and you will thirst no more.


Abisalom O.




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