The Secret Life of Despair…

Pic from

Pic from

Have you ever noticed that most fungi grow best in the dark? If you were to turn light on the fungus, it would be sapped of strength, whither, and eventually die. Sexual impurity is the same: it too thrives in the darkness. Typically,  sex and pornography are consumed in secret, and as long as the sin remains in the dark, it will no doubt continue.

This is the scenario for many who have been enslaved by sex and pornography. On the outside you appear to be a respectable and upright person. You have a good job going or you are in a good school,  a leader in the church too, you share with others about Jesus, you even preach in pulpits, you are outwardly successful, and maybe even with a good family. But in secret, you are a completely different person. You are living two different lives.

Those living in deceit like this will do everything they can to protect their sinful secret life from being exposed. They become angry and defensive if questioned about any wrongdoing. People involved in sexual relationships out of marriage and pornography have a hidden secret life, and that they’ll do all in their power to keep it from being exposed. And yet, this exposure is the very thing necessary to eradicate it.

Why do we seem to have no power to overcome sin? Why do we seem to give in time and time again, especially when we have prayed so much about it? The answer is that this sinning is all done in the darkness, in secret, where sin thrives. This secret life illustrates the truth of John 3:19-20:

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.”

Please consider following passage found in the Bible:

5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.” 1 John 1:5-10

The passage above shows that, while you are still involved in premarital sex and pornography, you are actually being deceived. How? You claim to have fellowship with God, yet you are walking in the darkness. In reality, you are living a lie; you are not living by the truth. I’m not saying that you are not a Christian while involved in sexual impurity, but the truth is you are not walking in truth and this is a very sad scenario. People are hiding a vast part of their lives from their loved ones, co-workers and friends. They may appear to be spiritual people who are knowledgeable about the Bible. What these people need to do is to begin to slowly, carefully, expose this hidden life to someone else, using discernment as to whom to approach and when to do so.

The passage above also tells us that if we begin walking in the light, not only are we able to fellowship with others who are walking in the light, but Jesus Himself purifies our lives! Purity is the result of coming into the light!

To be honest, sexual impurities are very private activities. Part of the reason we want to be rid of this sin is because of the shame and self-loathing that it creates in our hearts. You may think exposing this sin to another would cause you to feel the shame and loathing more intensely, but the opposite is actually true. After exposing it you will experience the pure freedom of not having to live the lie. This is a wonderful gift from God!

Verse 9 above tells us how to begin “walking in the light.” We are to first and foremost confess our sins to God. You may want to take a moment and say a prayer of confession to God. Ask Him to show you ways to begin coming into the light. Yes, it is scary to confess, and yes, it can be humbling to ask for help. But ongoing victory and purity is worth it. You may also be concerned about the effect of your confession upon those you love, especially if they are unbelievers, but consider the following words from a great man of God:

“If we obey God, it is going to cost other people more than it costs us, and that is where the pain begins. If we are in love with our Lord, obedience does not cost us anything— it is a delight.  Will we remain faithful in our obedience to God and be willing to suffer the humiliation of refusing to be independent? Or will we do just the opposite and say, “I will not cause other people to suffer”? We can disobey God if we choose, and it will bring immediate relief to the situation, but it will grieve our Lord. If, however, we obey God, He will care for those who have suffered the consequences of our obedience. We must simply obey and leave all the consequences with Him.  Beware of the inclination to dictate to God what consequences you would allow as a condition of your obedience to Him.” ~ Oswald Chambers

Now here’s another passage to consider for there are principles that you can apply it to your life:

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible.” Ephesians 5:8-14



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